Pig-tail girl
05-29-2005, 09:38 AM
Manufacturers of consumer products have to be liberal with the warning labels these days, lest they get sued. But for these, it's hard to know whether the company is being outright stupid or if they're simply targeting the most brain dead dumb among us.
Product Warnings:
* "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs. (yes dog and fish...no why didnt you say something like cats but fish??!! oh im going to give my fish 'rex' a shampoo hes like a pet dog to me!!)
* "For external use only!" -- On a curling iron.
* "Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron. (but i want to curl my eyelashes)
* "Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer. (what!! how can i dry my dry while wetting it at the same time!!)
* "Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer. (but this the only time when i can dry my hair)
* "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan. (wow kinda makes you sick even thinking about people drinking...yuck!)
* "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists. (noo really??!!)
* "This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an electric rotary tool. (mahaha you are giving me ideas :twisted: )
* "Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant. (but my friend said my eyes smelt!!)
* "Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard. (but the sun is burning me!!)
* "Caution: This is not a safety protective device." -- On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn.
* "Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer. (but it looks tastey)
* "Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow. (sorry kids im not allowed to use the wheelbarrow you will have to walk to school)
* "May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray. (you dont say!!)
* "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock." (ok i can see how people got confused...but come on!!)
* "Caution! Contents hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box. (well i hope it would be!! i paid good money for that pizza)
* "Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup. (hot beverages are hot...hmm that probably why they are called 'hot'!!)
* "Warning: May contain small parts." -- On a Frisbee. (yeah you can add a tv antenna to it!)
* "Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush. (but it works soo much better than a toothbrush:P)
* "Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife. (no lets let the kids play with the knife i they may loose a finger or two but hey we have no common sense)
* "Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old. (ok what are you doing giving a bday card for a 1 year old to a 36 month baby??)
* "Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer.
* "Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven. (oh damn...sorry kitty!!:P)
* "For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod. (mahahahaa do humans count as animals :twisted: )
* "For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air freshener. (what you have to train to pick a can of air freshener and spray?!!)
* "Keep out of reach of children and teenagers." -- On a can of air freshener.
* "Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror.
* "Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft." -- In the manual for a jetski.
* "Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." -- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm. (but im fragile!!! and those airplane tickets are too expensive!!)
* "Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly putty. (WHAT!! i cant hear you i put silly putty in my ears!!)
* "Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator." -- On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia. (so does your fridge has a warm section??)
* "Warning: knives are sharp!" -- On the packaging of a sharpening stone. (NEWS FLASH)
* "Not for weight control." -- On a pack of Breath Savers. (dieting sure has gone crazy)
* "Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth." -- On the label of a bottled drink. (thank god for the instruction i was sure i would never work out how to open this bottle!! doesnt the lid go in my mouth....really??)
* "Theft of this container is a crime." -- On a milk crate. (since we all want to steal milk crates)
* "Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison. (the rat is going to be dead in 30 seconds .... do you think it cares that it now has cancer??)
* "Cannot be made non-poisonous." -- On the back of a can of de-icing windshield fluid. (what!! how can i drink it if its poisonous)
* "Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller. (oh yeah...the kid)
* "Look before driving." -- On the dash board of a mail truck.
* "Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for a Rowenta iron. (But it will save time!!)
* "Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's cough medicine. (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents
if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head colds off those
forklifts!!)
* "For indoor or outdoor use only." -- On a string of Christmas lights. (what!! I thought you wore them as underwear!!)
* "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman costume. (I don't blame the company, I blame parents for this one.)
* "Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station. (how can you prosecute someone that is dead?? im just curious)
* "Product will be hot after heating." -- On a supermarket dessert box.
* "Do not turn upside down." -- On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box. (a bit late!! but thanks for the warning!!)
* "Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." -- On a lighter.
* "Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball." -- On the label for a cheap rubber ball toy. (and hear i was thinking that it was a doll!!)
* "Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice. (ooo no fare!! im hungry)
* "May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers. (may be harmful?? well if its only may be then give me that hammer im hungry!! :P)
* "Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your warranty." -- A printed message that appears in a television advertisement when the presenter demonstrates how strong the cookware is by using it to beat up and destroy a regular frying pan.
* "Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw. (who needs the off button i have my hand!!)
* "Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." -- From a manual for an SGI computer.
* "Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of peanuts. (and i thought the name 'peanuts' kinda gave it away!!)
Product Warnings:
* "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs. (yes dog and fish...no why didnt you say something like cats but fish??!! oh im going to give my fish 'rex' a shampoo hes like a pet dog to me!!)
* "For external use only!" -- On a curling iron.
* "Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron. (but i want to curl my eyelashes)
* "Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer. (what!! how can i dry my dry while wetting it at the same time!!)
* "Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer. (but this the only time when i can dry my hair)
* "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan. (wow kinda makes you sick even thinking about people drinking...yuck!)
* "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists. (noo really??!!)
* "This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an electric rotary tool. (mahaha you are giving me ideas :twisted: )
* "Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant. (but my friend said my eyes smelt!!)
* "Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard. (but the sun is burning me!!)
* "Caution: This is not a safety protective device." -- On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn.
* "Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer. (but it looks tastey)
* "Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow. (sorry kids im not allowed to use the wheelbarrow you will have to walk to school)
* "May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray. (you dont say!!)
* "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock." (ok i can see how people got confused...but come on!!)
* "Caution! Contents hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box. (well i hope it would be!! i paid good money for that pizza)
* "Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup. (hot beverages are hot...hmm that probably why they are called 'hot'!!)
* "Warning: May contain small parts." -- On a Frisbee. (yeah you can add a tv antenna to it!)
* "Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush. (but it works soo much better than a toothbrush:P)
* "Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife. (no lets let the kids play with the knife i they may loose a finger or two but hey we have no common sense)
* "Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old. (ok what are you doing giving a bday card for a 1 year old to a 36 month baby??)
* "Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer.
* "Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven. (oh damn...sorry kitty!!:P)
* "For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod. (mahahahaa do humans count as animals :twisted: )
* "For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air freshener. (what you have to train to pick a can of air freshener and spray?!!)
* "Keep out of reach of children and teenagers." -- On a can of air freshener.
* "Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror.
* "Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft." -- In the manual for a jetski.
* "Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." -- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm. (but im fragile!!! and those airplane tickets are too expensive!!)
* "Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly putty. (WHAT!! i cant hear you i put silly putty in my ears!!)
* "Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator." -- On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia. (so does your fridge has a warm section??)
* "Warning: knives are sharp!" -- On the packaging of a sharpening stone. (NEWS FLASH)
* "Not for weight control." -- On a pack of Breath Savers. (dieting sure has gone crazy)
* "Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth." -- On the label of a bottled drink. (thank god for the instruction i was sure i would never work out how to open this bottle!! doesnt the lid go in my mouth....really??)
* "Theft of this container is a crime." -- On a milk crate. (since we all want to steal milk crates)
* "Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison. (the rat is going to be dead in 30 seconds .... do you think it cares that it now has cancer??)
* "Cannot be made non-poisonous." -- On the back of a can of de-icing windshield fluid. (what!! how can i drink it if its poisonous)
* "Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller. (oh yeah...the kid)
* "Look before driving." -- On the dash board of a mail truck.
* "Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for a Rowenta iron. (But it will save time!!)
* "Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's cough medicine. (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents
if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head colds off those
forklifts!!)
* "For indoor or outdoor use only." -- On a string of Christmas lights. (what!! I thought you wore them as underwear!!)
* "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman costume. (I don't blame the company, I blame parents for this one.)
* "Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station. (how can you prosecute someone that is dead?? im just curious)
* "Product will be hot after heating." -- On a supermarket dessert box.
* "Do not turn upside down." -- On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box. (a bit late!! but thanks for the warning!!)
* "Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." -- On a lighter.
* "Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball." -- On the label for a cheap rubber ball toy. (and hear i was thinking that it was a doll!!)
* "Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice. (ooo no fare!! im hungry)
* "May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers. (may be harmful?? well if its only may be then give me that hammer im hungry!! :P)
* "Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your warranty." -- A printed message that appears in a television advertisement when the presenter demonstrates how strong the cookware is by using it to beat up and destroy a regular frying pan.
* "Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw. (who needs the off button i have my hand!!)
* "Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." -- From a manual for an SGI computer.
* "Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of peanuts. (and i thought the name 'peanuts' kinda gave it away!!)