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bloodlover
02-01-2005, 09:20 PM
the darkness has consumed me sanch the day we fall apart iv been liven life of surfing and pain i try so hard to stay away from you but i love you you feel the same i know but no mater what we say no matter what we do we can never be that sucke but **** i would give my life away to see your face to here your voice. the only happeyness i have are in the dreams of being with you why the **** did we meet if it would cause us both pain is only i new what i would have ganned out of noing you would be such pain i would have stayd away from you but i dident and now i suffer why do i love you why do i feel this way im so confussed inside my mind that i cant hide the fact im dead inside.

frank
02-02-2005, 07:08 AM
Powerful. An opinion is offered that this work would be even more powerful if structured and puncuated or lined.

Free verse is an excellent form for expression, but even free verse requires more than a string of run-on sentences to really move the reading audience.