Legends of Zelda

[Lin]

i dont own the zelda game characters ok also i will put ppl who review it in the story if they wish it*

[Lin]

Ch 1

A young girl about 16 is seen wandering through a dence forest..

Girl:...where am i?.....

while walking she runs in to a gaint pig know as a moblin (GIANT PORK! lol)

i will post more if ppl review plz

[Lin]

the moblin (giant pork..) attacks the girl

Girl: AHHH *runs*

elsewhere a boy dressed in green is seen rideing on a brown mare he hears a scream and rides in the direction it came from

Moblin: me eat girly thing

Girl: LIKE HELL YOU WONT! *runs faster*

she trips

[Lin]

the moblin corners the girl raises its claw to kill her ....but the attack never comes...she looks up to see a boy about her age fight it off

Boy: what are you doing here its dangouse here

Girl: i-i dont really know all i remeber is hearing chanting and next thing i know im here being attacked by a huge pig

[Bregan]

You'd probably get reviews/good reviews if you did more than post a few lines of text each time. I'd suggest that you sit down with a handy word processor, writing up at least two pages of story, and THEN putting it up. As is...well, there isn't enough here for me to review. You've just written that there's a girl in a forest talking to a Moblin.

[Hiryuu Megami23]

I agree with his assessment as well. You'll probably even get better reviews of your story that way as well.

Also, don't be afraid to give a little background information first either...Believe me, a 1 paragraph opener about the main characters in your story helps other to see and get a better feel for you characters as well.

[No one]

AAH, people keep copying what I think in my mind, anyway, but yeah that would be a good idea to start off with a paragraph, and longer posts. Try and descrive something more, like instead of saying she just tripped, try to do something like her eyes were watery and she could only see blury things when her foot accidently hit a large rock, and she tripped, tumbling down to the ground! And thats it for me!