Snappy Answers

[White Mage]

This thread is for all those smart ass answers people come up with in a spilt second!!!

There are a lot out there!!!

So, come on, don't be stingy and share some of them!!!

Post as many as you can think without saying one thats already been said!!!

[White Mage]

I have got 6 already!!!
With the story to go with them too!!!


Snappy Answer #1

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket,
and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

Snappy Answer #2

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store,
but couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Snappy Answer #3

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Snappy Answer #4

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "Low Bridge Ahead."
Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.
Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up.
The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver,
puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

Snappy Answer #5

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled.
A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.
Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk.
He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said,
"I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first,
and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear,
"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone.
"May I have your attention please," she began her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.
"We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS.
If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent,
gritted his teeth and swore. "F*** you!"
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that, too."

And the VERY BEST snappy answer ....

Snappy Answer #6, THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury
or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks,
"What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete
and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class does its Best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head,
and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

[Keated]

rofl, these are more like those replies you think of 30 seconds too late really... lol ^_^

[White Mage]

Some people think of them in a spilt second though!!!

I was cracking up for a long time after I read the Flight Attendent one!!!

[Keated]

lol, i sometimes do, but even IF i do, i normally lack the confidence to voice them ;)

[White Mage]

You should never be discouraged!!!!

It's sometimes fun!!!

You just have to watch what you say...

[Keated]

lol, all of mine are cynical, snide, and likely to get me a black-eye ;)

[Saturn]

Those are hilarious!

[>Liquíd<]

Ages ago in a high school, a teacher was explaining that cúm, consists of glucose, and tastes of sugar.
One female student without thinking immediately shouted out, "How comes it tastes so disgusting then?" There were many laughs, and the red faced female student walked out the lesson and was never seen again. However as she was leaving, the teacher cockily replied, "Because your sweet tastebuds are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of your throat."

[ReiRei]

Liz, Liquid; those are too funny! the flight attendant one I agree with you one Liz. Keep them comin' guys.

[Silver Winchester]

those are funny here's your sign: i was going to buy some chips and this clerk says
clerk: are you gonna buy that?

me: nope,i was going to steal them i just wanted you to see them first