toilet humour

[jeff]

this was stolen directly from www.martialartsplanet.com (http://www.martialartsplanet.com) (sorry to advertise but I don't want the credit for it) but it made me laugh so much I had to share it! :lol:

20 ways to annoy your stallmate

1. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
2. Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that."

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

4. Say, "Damn, this water's cold."

5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh no! My glass eye!"

6. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantelope into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.

8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"

9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"

11. Say, "Interesting... more floaters than sinkers."

12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"

13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me."

14. Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettucine alfredo you had for breakfast.

15. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."

16. Say, "Dang, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"

17. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.

18. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

19. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

20. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free".

[Mac]

lol ^__^ they're good!! haha!

I did know a website with loads of good ones about flatmates and schools, but I've forgotten the link!

[Shippo]

HAHA!

[Kid]

oh my god!!
thats great

[jeff]

This is from the same site

60 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator

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60 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.

3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"

4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.

6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

7. Shave.

8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"

13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

14. One word: Flatulence!

15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

16. Do Tai Chi exercises.

17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce:

"I've got new socks on!"

18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"

19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.

20. Meow occasionally.

21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

22. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"

23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

24. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.

25. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.

26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

28. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"

29. Leave a box between the doors.

30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.

32. Start a sing-along.

33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

34. Play the harmonica.

35. Shadow box.

36. Say "Ding!" at each floor.

37. Lean against the button panel.

38. Say "I wonder what all these do..." and push the red buttons.

39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

41. Bring a chair along.

42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"

43. Blow spit bubbles.

44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

45. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at the passengers.

49. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."

50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"

51. Bring a water pistol. Soak everyone's shoes.

52. Start brushing off invisible bugs from your arms, screaming "Aaughh! Get them off!"

53. Challenge your neighbor to a "Tic-Tac-Toe" tournament.

54. Laugh hysterically for five seconds, stop, and glare at the other passengers like they are crazy.

55. Charge into the elevator dripping wet, holding a towel and wearing only a bath robe. Mutter something about how husbands/wives always come home early just when it's getting to the good part.

56. Make chalk drawings on the walls.

57. As the elevator is going up, jump violently up and down, shouting "Down! I said down, dammit!"

58. Crouch in one corner and growl menacingly at everyone who gets on.

59. Try to get a game of "Twister" going.

60. Wrinkle your nose and smell the air repeatedly. Sniff at your neighbor suspiciously, give a disgusted frown, and take a step away.

[Shippo]

HAHAHAH some of those crack me up XD expecially #1

[White Mage]

Those are all totally cool!!!

I am a tomboy,
and I don't care what people think of me,
so I might do some of those next time I am on an elevator!

Thanks for the advise!

[Shippo]

I can think of a lot of things to add to that list like, pretend ur suffacating or clastraphobic.
Pretend ur looking for something on the floor and crawl around looking for it around the passangers.
When the elevater starts to go for a different floor panic and yell "its going too fast!"
ect.

[Mac]

lololololol!!!!!

[Erk Mizuhara]

i do number 36 alot. i might try number 41 sometime. Personally, i have more fun on escalators. Mac knows. (lol)

[Zelda]

lol those are funny. I really like number 17, 20, 54, and 58. ^_^

(in the 60 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator)

[Keated]

hmm, i think you missed one, wasn't there something like - squeaze a snickers bar up in your hand, reach under the stall next to you, and say something like 'outta toilet roll... a little help?' lol...

[White Mage]

Good one Keat!!!

They are hilarous not matter what!

[Keated]

lol, but the born free one would be especially funny in the male toilets ^_^

[Mac]

>_< *cracks up*

How about spraying a bottle of chocolate milshake all over the floor in the stall or something, then apologising in some way to the guy in the stall beside you? i.e. whoops, I let it rip too quick...

*if that sounds too disgusting get rid of it - just PM me about it though*

[jeff]

HAHAHAHAHA that cracked me up!

[White Mage]

I think that one is fine Mac!!!

Very funny though!

:lol:

[Keated]

lol, no worse than anything else in the thread... rofl...

go for Maccy D's milkshake, so it's really thick... rofl...

[ReiRei]

these are very funny...I give ppl in elvators dirty looks all the time ^_^

[Shippo]

try adding like brownie mix to the chocolate milk so it looks more real ;) (ewwww!)

[Keated]

rofl, can't beelive we're now having a conversation about how to make a fake turd look real... rofl...

[White Mage]

The ideas you guys come up with, if given the right topic...

[Saturn]

Ahahahah all of these are hilarious

[White Mage]

Here's a funny one!!!

*The top box says 'MANAGEMENT' and the bottom one says 'EMPLOYEES' *

http://www.animechatforums.com/forum/album_pic.php?pic_id=1021

[Keated]

rofl, hope there's a fan between them!

[think of certain phrases ;)]

[jimbo]

u all need to prove that u have done these in real life so as to prove u have real lifes.

[Takeshi]

man, your good at this stuff!

[Keated]

u all need to prove that u have done these in real life so as to prove u have real lifes.

Who said i have a real life? I'm a computer program unleashed on the internet, and programmed to think i truly exist :P

[jimbo]

thats what im talking about you start saying that kind of thing and next thing you know its people believing there computers are real and that they are having a relationship with it that is wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Mac]

rofl that's funny!!! Proves a well-known phrase...

[Blades Of Nightmare]

funny

[ZERO]

lol, wow good one

[Seraphim]

Lol, I've seen this before.

The mountain dew one is the funniest.