Limitless Egotism Workshop (Kawaii Shuichi's Thread)

[Limitless]

Right, let the training begin.

Same assignment as all the others:

I want a Character bio. Not one you've already got, but a new one. The character is to have the following requirements.

Name:
Age:
Height:
Weight:
Appearance:
Personality:
Techniques:
History:

I want a minimum of 500 words. Due to your preformance I'll either have you fix the mistakes I point out until I'm satisfied or set you to a new task.

Good luck.

[Kawaii Shuichi]

I will have it up by tomarrow.

[Limitless]

Great

[Kawaii Shuichi]

Name: Yumiko Ryu
Age: 19
Height: 5'8"
Weight: 128 lbs

Appearance:
Yumiko has long black hair that is kept up in a high ponytail with a blue silk tie. Highlights of blue are visible in her hair. Her body is in very good condition. Everything is muscle but still in a feminine way. Her skin is ivory white. Her eyes are naturally a dark brown but turn a brilliant blue/green when very upset as well as when she hits a high lever of fighting ability. The stronger she becomes the longer it takes for her eye color to change but also the brighter they become. She has two body markings; one of a black dragon with a blue haze around it on the back of her neck and another of a black sun encircling her navel. She wears tight fitting but flexible black hipp hugger pants with a blue sports bra that has black lining. She has a pair of arm bands that start off from her middle finger up to the middle of her forearm. They are of black leather and are embroidered with blue dragons wrapping around them. A pendant necklace she wears is of a gold dragon on a gold chain with a blue crystal eye. She wears black kung fu mat shoes and then a black hooded cloak for when traveling.

Personality:
Yumiko in general is a very pacifistic person but she loves to train and loves fighting as a sport. She however will defend herself if it came to that and she is very protective of the innocent and especially of those that are close to her. In this section her fuse is very short and is ready to kill for her loved ones. She is very artistic and likes to sit and draw landscapes in meditation as well as she loves to draw people while they are in battle extracting the aura into her drawings. She’s a very energetic girl and devoted to everything she does. She upholds to her morals no matter what. Her morals are the basic morals of Bushido. She gets along with basically everybody and in general keeps a good attitude but if she suffers under sleep deprivation she can be a very cold and straight forward person.

History:
Yumiko is princess of the Dragon clan. She grew up training in the martial arts as someone of her stature should, but the clan was betrayed and destroyed when she was 15. She alone escaped but due to injury, when she woke up the next morning; all of her memories had dissipated. All she knows is that the pendant around her neck and sword on her hip has something in connection with her past. Her longing to become stronger and love for the martial arts has brought her to traveling the world to find new styles and masters.

Weapons:
Throwing stars- hidden inside a small pouch in the arm bands
Dragon Tail- a Chinese style double edged straight sword with a gold dragon wrapped around the hilt with a blue crystal eye. Magic can be used through the eye of the sword.

Techniques/Abilities:
Fury-Kicking and punching rapidly with bone breaking speed and power.
Clone- Speed attack that consists of such speed that is leaves after images confusing the enemy
Agility- Lightning fast maneuvers to dodge the opponent’s attacks (defense)
Dragon Soul- A limit break that allows Yumiko to summon the dragon from her soul that attack’s her opponent with a great force (highest attack)
Storm- A storm of throwing stars that attack the pressure points of the opponent.
Telekinesis- The ability to levitate things with the mind.


CORRECTED! 8)

[Limitless]

Thats all well and good, but what you fail to realize is if you simply sit down for a single hour and concentrate, I think you or most anyone else could pump out at least 500 words for a bio.

But do it as you will, just make sure you meet my length requirement.

[Kawaii Shuichi]

I don't think I will have any problems to get the bio done...It's just getting the time to type it all up (trying to do it behind teachers back in internet class)

[Kawaii Shuichi]

Finished.

[Limitless]

Name: Yumiko
Age: 19
Height: 5'8"
Weight: 128 lbs

As I told Ikai, its hard to mess up something as simple as the stating of facts.

Appearance:
Yumiko has long black hair that is kept up in a high ponytail with a blue silk tie. Highlights of blue are visible in her hair by the seduction of the sun. Her body is in peak condition. Everything is muscle but still in a feminine way. Her eyes are naturally a dark brown but turn a brilliant blue/green when very upset as well as when she hits her peak of fighting ability. The stronger she becomes the longer it takes for her eye color to change but also the brighter they become. She has two body markings. One of a black dragon with a blue haze around it on the back of her neck and another of a black sun encircling her bellybutton. She wears tight fitting but flexible black hipper hugger pants with a blue sports bra that has black lining. She has a pair of arm bands that start off from her middle finger up to the middle of her for forearm. They are of black leather and are embroidered with blue dragons wrapping around them. A pendant necklace she wears is of a gold dragon on a gold chain with a blue crystal eye. She wears black kung fu mat shoes and then a black hooded cloak for when traveling. Also she has dark angel wings that can be summoned forth by will as well as dissipated by will. Another thing is that her skin is ivory white that glistens under the sun’s rays but her lips are of a blood red.

I must say that that description, while not as good as the people I tend to compete with, is probably the best I’ve seen so far on this site. Kudos. Other than a few grammatical mistakes, a few words used repeatedly, and the fact that ‘seduction of the sun’ doesn’t exactly fit right there, its quite good.

Personality:
Yumiko in general is a very pacifistic person but she loves to train and loves fighting as a sport. She however will defend herself if it came to that and she is very protective of the innocent and especially of those that are close to her. In this section her fuse is very short and is ready to kill for her loved ones. She is very artistic and likes to sit and draw landscapes in meditation as well as she loves to draw people while they are in battle extracting the aura into her drawings. She’s a very energetic girl and devoted to everything she does. She upholds to her morals no matter what. Her morals are the basic morals of Bushido. She gets along with basically everybody and in general keeps a good attitude but if she suffers under sleep deprivation she can be a very cold and straight forward person.

History:
Yumiko is princess of the Dragon clan. She grew up training in the martial arts as someone of her stature should, but the clan was betrayed and destroyed when she was 15. She alone escaped but due to injury, when she woke up the next morning; all of her memories had dissipated. All she knows is that the pendant around her neck and sword on her hip has something in connection with her past. Her longing to become stronger and love for the martial arts has brought her to traveling the world to find new styles and masters.

This history reminds me of a history I used in my very first sparring character ever. It’s an oldie, but a goody.

Weapons:

Bo Stafe- also used as a walking stick for the long travels but is great for self defense
Throwing stars- hidden inside a small pouch in the arm bands
Dragon Tail- a Chinese style double edged straight sword with a gold dragon wrapped around the hilt with a blue crystal eye. Magic can be used through the eye of the sword.

More than one weapon generally makes things easier, but harder. Makes it easier so that if one is damaged or discarded you’ve still the other, but the second weapon not in hand must be taken into consideration while fighting, meaning it will greatly hamper movement if not put down away from you, and if you do, you run the risk of someone picking it up and using it against you.

Techniques:
Fury-kicking and punching rapidly with bone breaking speed and power.
Clone- speed attack that consists of such speed that is leaves after images confusing the enemy
Agility- lightning fast maneuvers to dodge the opponent’s attacks (defense)
Dragon Soul- A limit break that allows Yumiko to summon the dragon from her soul that attack’s her opponent with a great force (highest attack)

Not bad. Simple but somewhat broad leaving the exact usage of them up to you in the midst of battle.

Weapon Techniques:
Thunder- Rapid beating with a bo stafe ending with the opponent falling from the air and a quick attack connecting the end of the stafe to the underside of the opponent’s chin.
Storm- A storm of throwing stars that attack the pressure points of the opponent.
Dragon’s Eye- The sword expends magical powers as of the following: Fire, Ice, Lightning, Poison, Draw, Cure, and Sleep.

Right here is one of two main/only problems I have with your bio. I dislike “Weapon Techniques” to begin with. Don’t limit yourself by defining special abilities with the weapons like combos or the unleashing of mystical forces on the opponent as spoken of in “Dragon’s Eye”. Stating that, for example, Dragon’s Eye can ‘expend’ magic like that, you take away the chance of innovation, such as instead of simply calling out the forces, using them instead to enhance your attacks or something.

Also, with the powers, the ability to unleash allll these different types of power will make you seem cheaper if you actually use them all. Generally, Fire, Ice and Lightning would all be helpful, but I’ve seen poison written off as ineffective. Also, putting a character to sleep in one on one fight will end up as godmodding and get you in some serious trouble. Cure…is…dangerous and can be godmodding by excessive use. And Draw…well…fact is I forget what that does, but it prolly wont do you much good.

Other skills:
-mind reading
-telekinesis
-flight
-telepathy

And this is the other problem. “Other Skills” should NOT be a choice. These should be in your normal Technique/Ability section with explanations. Now, I’ll proceed to break down just how bad it is to use these…

Mind Reading – HUGE possibility of godmodding through excessive dodging due to ‘reading their intentions’ or something. This is one of the sparring ideas VERY few people use due to the fact it can quickly be called upon as godmodding.

Telekensis – Not bad per se, but gives you less chances for description to flesh out and make your posts more interesting.

Flight: This is basically useless since Telekinesis can be used to pick yourself up and fly you through the air.

Telepathy – Just generally useless without a person to fight alongside.

All of these should be explained instead of putting them like an after thought.

Its 700+ words so you beat the limit soundly. Despite your problems the character is better than Ikai’s if I do say so myself.

Second assignment will be up when I decide on it.

[Kawaii Shuichi]

I have listened and fixed my profile.

I hope it is better to your liking.

*bows respectfully*

[Limitless]

*smiles* I must say that I'm honostlyt suyrprised. Even with my former favorite student, he rarely followed my instructions as exactly as you. You really fixed the spots I saw obvious flaw in. Good job.

Alright, here is the second assignement.

You are in a futuristic world of towering buildings, great technology and tight laws. Your character has just commited a crime of your choosing, be it on purpose or accident. Your assignment is to give me a rich description of your surroundings and then describe an entire altercation, probably a small fight, with a group of police. Force isn't necisarry, but it wouldn't hurt...well...not TO much anyways.

1000 word minimum.

Have fun.

[Kawaii Shuichi]

I shall have it finished and up by the end of the evening.

*bows respectfully before leaving to go work on it*

[Kawaii Shuichi]

I apologize for not following on my word.

When I said I would finish it yesterday morning by that night, I didn't expect to be downloaded with a ton of homework....
Also, my mind has been reeling all day about the assignment and it is so big that it will definetly be longer than 1000 words...
I just need the time to type it all up.
I have work tonight so won't be able to get it all done but tomarrow I will be on the computer all day, so will not have any excuse not to have it up then.

If it is not, I will willingly get down in pushup position on my fingertips and accept a beating with a stick.

Again I appoligize *kneels on floor and bows with hands in front of me and face to the floor*