Crone

[Jericho]

This is one that I also posted on my forum, I just felt that I wanted to post it on here as well, to get more opinions on it.
~~~~~~
Woven web of lies
Tears into the flesh
Of our human selves

Dead eyes look up
Boring into what once
Was your heart

Make this real
All that's known
Our realities false

Truth defies
All that's this
Your world so cold and dead

Come unto me
Horrific image
Sense of clarity before the calm

Now you know
All that is
In my light you find,
All that was ever needed

[frank]

This is such a complex work, box_faerie. The only part that is puzzling, to me, is the ending stanza. Somehow, the piece doesn't seem quite finished at the end, compared to the opening.

But I'm sure, with a few more re-reads, that's it'll all fall into place. Even if this be one of those pieces that is meant to remain obscure, because the symbology and the imagery are too personal unto you.

Some works are like a flower with beautiful petals. If they are peeled off to find their inner workings, all that is left is pieces of what once was. This work is like that.

[Jericho]

Heh... I know what you mean, though. I didn't think it seemed quite finished, yet at the same time it did. Very confusing to me, though my poems all come from some part of me, they tend to take on minds of their own. I'll read it some more, and maybe I'll figure out how to finish it. If not, it won't be so bad. ^^

[frank]

It isn't bad now. Not at all. I was referring to myself on those re-reads, not you. I hope I didn't confuse you thinking that I was suggesting that your work needed editing or re-writing? If I had thought so, I would have said so and been presumptuous enough to offer suggestions.

[Jericho]

It's okay, you didn't confuse me. ^^ I know you weren't telling me to re-read, or re-write it. I was thinking about that before I posted it. Actually, I posted it so that I could get some insight, and criticism on it.