dead baby jokes, but only by request...

[archangel]

not gona post em strate away, cos usually ppl hate em... they're the sickest of the sick... and some are down rite criminal... i got about 90 or so of em, but i'll only post em if the demand is there...

[Seraphim]

^-^ Please post them.

[Caveat Lector]

This one is my personal favorite.

This doctor was delievering a baby and when the baby came out, it was quite slippery. It slipped out of his hand and drops on the floor. He picks it up, "Oh sh*t," he goes as it slips out of his hands yet again and hits the ceiling then bounces off the wall. "Oh sh*t I'm so sorry," he goes. He picks it up and goes to the mother, "April fools, it was already dead."

<_< I had to.

[Immoral]

LMFAO

What goes in circles, crys and screams before it exlodes?

A baby in a microwave

[archangel]

ok, but dont say i didnt warn you...

whats funnier than a dead baby? -- a dead baby in a clown costume.

whats funnier than a dead baby? -- a dead baby next to a kid with down syndrome.

how do you know when a baby is a dead bay? -- the dog plays with it more.

how do you make a dead baby float? -- take your foot off its head.

whats the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline? -- you take off you boots when you jump on a tramploine.

why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones? -- because they're hand made.

whats brown an gurgles? -- a baby in a casserole.

whats blue and flies around the room at high speeds? -- a baby with a punctured lung.

what do you call a baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? -- f**ked

how do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles? -- nail it's other hand to the floor.

what do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall? -- art.

what do you call a dead baby, a rat, 6 week old bread and a ghirkin? -- a big mac.

what do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool? -- bob.

whats blue and thrashes around on the floor? -- a baby playing in a plastic bag.

how do you make a man pregnant? -- shove a dead baby up his arse.

how do you stop a baby from falling down a manhole? -- stick a javelin through it's head.

how many babies does it take to paint a house? -- dependshow hard you throw them.

whats purple, covered in puss and squeals? -- a peeled baby in a bag of salt.

what gets louder as it get smaller? -- a baby in a trash compactor.

what do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs lying in a ditch? -- phil.

whats the difference between a dead baby and a tree? -- one is leagal to hit with an axe.

how do you get 100 babies into a bucket? -- with a blender.

how do you get them out again? -- with tortilla chips.

whats red and white and hangs from power lines? -- a baby shot from a snow blower.

why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first? -- so you can see the look on it's face.

whats more fun than strapping a baby to a clothesline and then spinning it around at 2000rpm? -- stopping it with a shovel.

why did the baby fall out of the tree? -- it was dead.

why did the second baby fall out of the tree? -- it was stapled to the first baby.

why did the third baby fall out of the tree? -- it thought it was a trend.

why did the fourth baby fall out of the tree? -- peer pressure.

whats red and goes round and round? -- a baby in a garbage disposal.

whats more fun than stapling babies to a wall? -- ripping them off again.

whats the best present for a dead baby? -- a dead puppy.

how many dead babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil? -- it depends how hard you squeeze them.

what do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs on the beach? -- sandy.

why did the baby fall off the swing? -- because it had no arms and no legs.

why did the baby cross the raod? -- it was chained to a bumper bar.

whats the difference between a cadillac and a pile of dead babies? -- i dont have a cadillac in my garage.

how many dead babies can fit in a barrel? -- 4, 1/2.

whats pink and red and sits in the corner? -- a baby chewing on razor blades.

whats green and sits in the corner? -- that same baby 4 weeks later.

what do vegetarian ogres eat? -- cabage patch kids.

whats red, screams and goes around in circles? -- a baby with one foot nailed to the floor.

what goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz? -- twins in an acid bath.

whats the difference between a dead baby and a felt tip marker? -- you dont get funny looks when you write with a felt tip marker.

whats the difference bewteen a watermelon and a dead baby? -- watermelon floats.

what's red and lies in all four corners of the room? -- a baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.

what does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby get for christmas? -- cancer.

whats the definition of revenge? -- a baby with a dog in it's mouth.

how are babies and the elderly alike? -- both are fun to throw out of moving cars.

what bounces up and down at 100km/h? -- a baby tied to the back of a truck.

whats red and dances all around? -- a baby on a barbecue.

whats worse than finding 7 dead babies in a trash can? -- finding 1 dead baby in 7 trash cans.

whats the diference between a dead baby and a styrofoam cup? -- a dead baby doesn't harm the ozone layer when you burn it.

whats small, and shiny, and blue? -- a baby in a plastic bag.

whats small, and red, and full of holes? -- a baby on a bed of nails.

what do you call a baby on a stick? -- a kebabie.

how do you get a baby out of a tree? -- you give a mexican a stick and tell him it's a piñata.

whats the difference between a baby and a bagel? -- you can put a bagel in a toaster, a baby you have to put in the oven.

what do you call a dead baby with no arms, and no legs, lying on your porch? -- matt.

how do you prevent a baby from exploding in the microwave? -- poke holes in it with a coat hanger.

whats red and pink and can't turn around in a hallway? -- a baby with a javelin stuck through it's throat.

whats got four wheels, smokes and squeals? -- a bus load of babies on fire.

whats grosser than ten babies nailed to a tree? -- one baby nailed to ten trees.

whats pink and red and silver and crawls into walls? -- a baby with forks in his eyes.

what wiggles spits and is covered in ****? -- an inside-out baby.

when is the best time to bury that baby you killed? -- when it starts talking to you again.

whats pink and chunky? -- a baby with leprosy.

whats red, bubbly, and scratches at every window it comes too before exploding? -- a baby in the microwave.

whats grosser than gross? -- a barrel full of dead babies.

whats grosser than that? -- the one on the bottom is still alive.

whats grosser than that? -- he has to eat his way to freedom.

whats grosser than that? -- he comes back for seconds.

what happens when you burn a babies face off? -- it makes weird noises and crawls into walls.

what has 4 legs and 1 arm? -- a doberman in a childrens playground.

what does a bum call a dead babie in a skip? -- a freeloader.

whats harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree? -- nailing it to a dead puppy.

whats 18 inches long, and makes women scream all night? -- crib death.

why did the baby cross the road? -- it was stapled to the chicken.

how do you get a baby to run faster? -- chase it with a lawn mower.

what do you get when you put a baby in a blender? -- hold on. i'll tell you in a second.

whats pink and spits? -- a baby in a frying pan.

whats the diference between a dead baby and an onion? -- you dont cry when you cut up a dead baby.

whats blue and yellow and lies at the bottom of a swimming pool? -- a baby with burst floaties.

whats red and yellow and floats in a swimming pool? -- a burst baby with floaties.

what sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller and smaller? -- a baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler.

whats grosser than driving over a baby? -- skidding.

whats bright blue, pink and sizzles? -- a baby trying to breast feed from a power point.

[archangel]

see i did warn you... ... -_-'

[ht]

...........yeah.....ya did..........lmao......oh well.....

[Immoral]

lmfao

[Hara Michiyo]

They are really evil but...when I read that one:

How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles? Nail it's other hand to the floor.

I just had to laugh out loud. Lol.